s I write these words, I find myself to be so utterly loathsome, that I am at a loss to find proper verbiage, to the point that I fear, even though it would cause a great material loss for me, I may actually become uncharacteristically and remarkably silent. I now realize that I should have ‘laid low' for a while more than 9 years ago, because I issued predictions and cautionary notes just before the 4th of July holiday in 1998, concerning terrorist attacks on specific US cities. However, my pride and avarice would not allow it. The prediction, which I presumptuously offered on the International shortwave bands, in my usual proud and arrogant way, was made because I have become so obsessed by my own sense of self-importance, that I can no longer be trusted to do the right thing. In that prideful, so-called prophecy, I claimed that New York City, Los Angeles California, Miami Florida, and Rome Italy, would be dealt a significant destructive blow on July 4^th, 1998. I even mailed thousands of copies of my shamefully self-serving, commercial “newsletter” “The Apocalypse Chronicles”, with the now familiar refrain, that implied that not only should Christians purchase as much overpriced storage food, water filters and useless Apocalypse Chronicles bible studies on the subject as possible, but also that they should purchase them exclusively from me. As if that were not bad enough, I made a huge amount of money playing on the fear and ignorance of gullible, well meaning Christians, by selling them my own useless taped bible studies on every subject from Planet X to Hidden Bases on the Planet Mars, where listeners were told that space aliens on the planet Mars, were assembling to attack all who refused to recognize my spiritual superiority, and Divine Authority.

Since I have recently been exposed, I realize that, at this juncture, my position is no longer tenable, and that any thinking, rational person, can only presume that my shameful, avaricious, and prideful behavior, is the result of not only a great desire to “smite my fellow servants” (Matthew 24:49), but also to feign superior scriptural knowledge, to “make merchandise” of the flock. (II Peter 2:3)  To state the situation plainly, my personal judgment is deficient as is my spiritual discernment. The obvious occultism with which my “work” is imbued, is not only a personal embarrassment, but should shame anyone involved in the Christian Merchandise Family. My alarmist publication claimed that the only spiritual truth that was worthy of anyone’s consideration, could come from only one person, myself.

 Because I have claimed to be the only source from which any truth can flow, I should be rebuked by every single listener who has ever been victimized by my prideful claims. I have indeed been "carried about with every wind of doctrine" (Ephesians 4:14) that has shown even a shred of economic viability, however given my huge appetite for the praise of men, and my insatiable desire to be wealthy, it's unlikely I'll actually abandon this foolish manifestation of Satanic soothsaying. I am now on to my next project as I continue "deceiving and being deceived" (II Timothy 3:13), as I wax worse and worse.

While the Christian Merchandise Network Cult has obviously been caught up in the basest sort of stupidity with respect to the so called “hosts” that clutter the Commercial Media Network schedule, I am still of the opinion that selling even more shortwave time to better known false prophets such as best selling author Grant Jeffrey" and Catholic mystic Kathleen Keating, who was warning that the bible codes said Boston would be the recipient of a terrorist hit over the last 4^th of July holiday, would not be out of character for me.

Keating issued a Bible Code based warning that claimed the words Boston, Terror, Target, July Fourth, etc. were in the bible codes that she ran. This was only the latest miss from this false prophetess as she has already issued bible code based prophecies that have clearly failed. Any false prophet such as Keating, would be in good company at the Christian Merchandise Network.

Another bible Code babbler Tom Mack, the false prophet by whom I was once seduced, has also issued predictions based on the codes and then quietly retreated when they failed, would also be welcomed at the network. For instance, prior to the US Presidential election, he repeatedly predicted that Al Gore would be placed in the White House. After the election, the Gore "codes" were quickly pulled from his website and replaced with hastily produced codes that showed the winner would be George Bush. This is reminiscent of the time I began to explore “lunar time” and “sidereal time” as a sidestep maneuver, to avoid personal accountability for the prediction of a forty two month period, that I claimed would usher in the Great Tribulation in 1998. This false prophecy made me a pile of dough.

Posing as a "professor" in an apparent gambit to shroud his occultic prognostications with a scholarly legitimacy, Mr. Mack is a frequent on air guest of radio quack Steve Quayle of the Q Files program, whom I have counted in the past as my “best friend”, and with whom I share a pathological need for wealth and fame. Indeed, less than 2 weeks before the election, in a national radio interview with false prophet Quayle, Mack stated that Gore's name showed up in the "codes" so many times it was "all over the Bible." Mack stated there was no doubt that the Bible Codes referred to Gore as he confidently stated "he's gonna be running things." (Q Files radio program, 10/24/2000). I wish I had posed as a professor.

It's instructive to note that the so-called "professor" has taken the codes even further than the others. For instance, during his interview with "slippery" Steve Quayle, Tom Mack claimed that Al Gore's name connected 9 times to the name Lucifer in the Bible codes. While he isn't the only false prophet, Tom Mack has been manipulating the Bible Codes in a far more sinister fashion than any other radio host, until now.

Like Mack, I have determined that personal flattery is the most effective way to manipulate people into doing my will (see Daniel 11:34), and so I have adapted the Bible Codes to provide the equivalent of a personal palm reading for any Christian that is foolish enough to listen to me. By telling various Christian leaders in the media that I have located their name in the codes that depict them in a flattering role during the last days, I will be able to build in a dependency upon MY continued research on my hapless subject's behalf. This is, of course, the classic definition of witchcraft

 Using the Bible Codes in a fashion that is not dissimilar to a tarot card "reader", my “interpretive” abilities have now ingratiated me with no less than six nationally known "Christian" leaders. This is an extremely lucrative matter, as this disguised form of witchcraft is spreading like wildfire under the facade of a scripturally sound version of secret knowledge. I am indeed intoxicated with my own sense of personal power.

This statement, although it may be astonishing to some new listeners, is entirely in character with the many unscriptural behaviors, which have become the hallmark of the hosts and merchants doing business at CMN. Those who have known me personally for any period of time will attest to this. Biblically centered Christians have long known of the cultic nature of Lloydism. Although others like Keating, Jeffrey, Gaston, TBN and other blind guides are utilizing the Bible Codes in a misguided effort to predict last day's events, my mastery of the merchandisic arts, should disguise my ape-like mimicry of their spiritual parlor trick, and should hide the fact that my other public prognostications have consistently failed.

I will become much more dangerous as I learn how to use the codes as a tool to manipulate people secretly behind the scenes in order to further my commercial agenda. I have now gone into completely uncharted territory with these tactics.

 I plan to not only use the "codes" as a way to recruit allies, but I will soon begin to attack enemies utilizing the codes as a weapon.  I will apparently have the distinction of being the first Christian leader to successfully market the Bible Codes.

Some months ago, the Christian Merchandise ministry began to examine ways to increase our “prophet-ability” by attacking the various Christian leaders in the media that have unknowingly and innocently reduced my market share. To mitigate this commercial catastrophe, I have quietly assembled several other “attack ministries” into a secretive cabal.

On a nationally broadcast interview on the Christian Merchandise Network, Ralph and Kathy Haaff, stars of the Oops Show, had as their guest, the consummate liar and coward Rick Walters who is the star of the Acts 1:18 Show, to assault not only a former host of this network, but former supporters of the network, and the intelligence of our listeners as well. We are indeed fortunate that Rick Walters was not armed, as he has shown how desperate and dangerous he can be. On another Oops Show, broadcast on international shortwave radio, Ralph and Kathy Haaff proceeded to sing stupid Christmas songs and propagate lies on international shortwave radio that some believe, overwhelmingly demonstrated that I am in league with Lucifer. Indeed, they poured it on, and the evidence was so conclusive that I myself began to wonder if that broadcast didn’t "prove” that I am functioning in the power of the Devil. This conclusion is easily arrived at, in light of the fact that I have always tried to lead people into believing that true spiritual insight can only be gained by listening to me.

The very idea that inside information concerning spiritual and prophetic matters exists for the select few who are privy to my proud utterances is obviously cultic. The supposition that I alone can unravel the "secrets." of bible prophecy at will, should be repugnant to even the least discerning individual.  Regardless of my uplifted attitude that I alone am the only worthy vessel of spiritual understanding, the Bible itself declares that prophetic understanding and discernment of the times in which we live are spiritual gifts. The Apostle Peter says:

"For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost." (II Peter 1:21).

This "will of man", and my constant need for followers, along with my zealous pursuit of mammon is itself the catalyst, which drives Christian Media. Modern men decide they must have a prophecy NOW — and I intend to give it to them, for a price. They demand it and I supply it.  Whether or not the Bible makes any provision for such things is immaterial to me. The Word of God declares that my behavior — clothed in malicious spirituality as it is — is an outgrowth of the natural man's carnal mind. The scriptures plainly state that the Lord "will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the heart...." (I Corinthians 4:5), however, I persevere nonetheless.

My shameless practice of such carnally high-minded, self-aggrandizing behavior, would have been immediately rebuked by the church at large, if the church were not continually clamoring for some new revelation and already near drowning in apostasy. This is what I count on.  I know that very few truly understand that the Bible flatly informs us that "certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation...." (Jude 1:4). This must occur that the scriptures be fulfilled, and I am doing all I can to fulfill this prophecy.

Although I foment controversies, and craft my predictions to achieve the maximum personal and financial gain possible, the scriptures tell us we must renounce "the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully." (II Corinthians 4:2). Why then do I persist in my folly? The plain truth is that I need money. Lots of it.  And I will sell my own soul and yours to get it.

There are several other avenues of research indicating that I have clearly lost my way, which I won’t detail here. For example, among other anecdotal information I’ve received, there is an account associating witches within the body of Christ that placed a curse on me in order to lead me astray; however, I believe I’ve made my case, so it’s not needed.

The battle to sell is definitely raging here at the Commercial Merchandise ministry. We'd like to tell everyone a great deal more about this pecuniary war (particularly the threat of Bible based ministries cutting into our market share), and the battle we fight against forces that have been arrayed against us, that have sought to tell the truth about me to any that will listen. To further our financial mission, we have yet another website that we'd like you to visit. The link is below. Once you've seen it, we ask you to please forward this information to every Christian who has a dollar in his pocket that you can think of, so they can be financially denuded, and separated from their hard earned money, just as you have been.  We need fresh victims. Our “ministry” depends on it.

In the meantime, please pray for us, we will prey upon you.

Parody of James Lloyd